What If They Say...
Common responses — and how to meet them.
"Nothing will change."
"I used to feel that way too. Then I read the Chenoweth research. When 3.5% of people participate, movements have never failed. It's not about everyone — it's about enough."
"I'm not political."
"Neither am I, really. This isn't about parties. It's about whether our courts and press stay independent. That affects everyone."
"It's too late."
"History says otherwise. Movements have reversed authoritarian drift in much worse conditions — after years of repression, not weeks. The window isn't closed."
"What can I really do?"
"Have this conversation. Then have it again with someone else. That's how it starts. Every movement began with someone asking exactly that question."
The Psychology
Why does speaking up feel so hard — even with people you trust?
Pluralistic Ignorance
Everyone privately disagrees but reads others' silence as agreement. Most people in the room share your concerns — they're just waiting for someone to go first.
Social Cost Anxiety
We fear the awkward silence, the cold shoulder. But the cost of silence compounds daily. One honest conversation costs less than years of self-censorship.
The Bystander Effect
In a crowd, no one acts because everyone assumes someone else will. A single dissenter breaks the spell entirely. You just have to go first.
The good news: these effects dissolve quickly in small, trusted groups. You're not trying to change a crowd — you're starting a conversation with one person.
The Coffee
Conversation
How to talk to people about defending democracy together
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"You're not starting a revolution. You're having coffee."
youandafew.org
The 5 Steps
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1
Open with honesty
"I've been watching what's happening and I needed to talk to someone I trust."
Vulnerability opens the conversation that politeness closes.
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2
Listen first
Ask what they've been noticing. Any admission of concern — even small — is an opening. Don't rush past it.
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3
Share the research
The 3.5% finding. Localize it: "In our workplace of 200, that's 7 people." Make the number feel reachable.
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4
Invite, don't recruit
"What if a few of us started meeting honestly about this?"
Low pressure. You're proposing a conversation, not a commitment.
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5
End with a next step
Specific, small, and soon. "Can we grab coffee Thursday?" A vague commitment evaporates.
The Scripts
Opening lines for different contexts. Adapt to your voice.
A close friend
"I've been carrying something and I keep thinking I should talk to you about it. I'm genuinely worried about where things are going — not in a doom-scroll way, but in a practical, what-do-we-do way."
A coworker
"I know we don't usually talk about this stuff at work, but I've been reading about what 3.5% participation actually means and I wanted to share it with someone who might get it."
A family member
"I'm not looking to argue. I just want to know — are you worried at all? Because I am, and I'd feel better talking about it honestly."
A neighbor
"I've been thinking about what people in our neighborhood could actually do together. Would you be up for a conversation about that?"
After the Conversation
The coffee is just the beginning. Here's what comes next.
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→
Set a date. Before you leave, name a specific time to meet again — even briefly. Don't let the momentum dissolve.
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Bring 2–3 together. The group doesn't need to be large. It needs to be real. Three people who show up consistently beats thirty who don't.
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Start with one pillar. Pick one institution in your area — a local paper, a legislator's office, a business — and focus your first action there.
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Share the site. Point them to youandafew.org for the calculator, the pillar framework, and the nonviolence research.
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Have the next conversation. Each person you talk to might talk to someone else. That's how 3.5% happens.
"It's not about convincing — it's about connecting. The people are already there. They just need to find each other."